How To

{ambient sound: 'distortion', volume: 0.6} 1. ~~Finding out how much you know.~~ It's less about history and more about deciding, less about deciding and more about extraction. See ~~[[Tear It Out]]~~ for more information. 2. ~~Where *is* where you are now?~~ You're inside a hole edged by a long scar and you live with that thing made of the threads you grabbed from her shirt for the teeth that fell out, do you ~~[[Remember this]]?~~ See ~~[[Find Your Teeth]]~~ for more information. This is a dedicated search and to get over it there must be a willingness to be got. By what? You've already been there, return to what it was again. See? It's just like before⁠, sharp and bursting. <center>[[>->Get Over It 2]] </center>

1. ~~Locate the source of the infection.~~ Sometimes it can be simple thing, like ~~[[teeth->Find Your Teeth]]~~ or t-shirt threads, but that's just the evidence. Most often it's encased in thick muscle, something leftover from what happened. The shifter, or an eye. Pieces of shrapnel made of collected bones. They are built piecemeal from your failures. 2. ~~What happened?~~ We've been here before. It's a process, they say. These things take time. At one point, a well-meaning nurse calls this _the spacing effect_. You've been practicing but the real truth is that there's nothing to ~~[[recall->Remember]]~~, only to forget. 3. ~~Extraction.~~ It's not a ripping open, but it is violent. This "it" is inconsolable and formless, though it sometimes cries in harsh and steady tones from inside the thread wrap it inhabits. You recognize the sound it makes as the one inside your many cavities when they used metal cutters and bending to remove her. You were much easier, sustaining only minor disharmonic sounds. Mostly in G minor. Her sound was bigger and buzzing, destructive and clashing in its silence. 4. ~~Does silence or loudness mean stopping?~~ They both do. It's unsurprising it's hard to conflate these ideas, but you used to be loud and stop all the time. Your emotions, your hands, their throw—revving like an engine and her shuddering, though now _you_ are, now you are. Isn't that ironic? It was a tension and nothing more. Now there are strips between you making a form of the absence and in it there are so many echoes of that taut resonance. This disconnection isn't new for you, but this particular frequency is. It started when you grabbed for her arm and looped your fingers through a hole in her shirt, got louder when her threads unspooled in your hands like loose instrument strings and everything tilted off the ~~[[barricade->Wreck]]~~.

1. ~~You pick a piece of almond out of the gum.~~ Stuck in there bleeding when you sleep and she said she could taste it. Teeth too far apart lost your retainer as a child and when you kiss the air whistles when you talk the air whistles. 2. ~~The thing is sleeping~~ Which it doesn't do often a thing of cloth a thing of suture, something you once knew how to do but now everything's clammy sticky. Clammy sticky and you're touching the walls, their gloss a paste for your teeth. Bodies can be identified by their teeth, which cannot be burned, so why is your mouth empty, so why the heat? The ~~[[meltdown->Stand the Heat]]~~ was inescapable. 3. ~~The thing is dreaming~~ Of a place where all the sounds are sloshy gnawing. There's a fist through your jawline, there's a fist in a bone. There's a fistula, what they told you in the gloss, what they told you in the bed, what the thing dreams of. Dreams of unravelling. 4. ~~Find your retainer~~ Though you must know it doesn't work anymore, you have since shifted, and in your sleep the thing moves you, and in its sleep the thing moves, and you unwrap it, and there is a silence there is a ~~[[shattering->Get Over It 3]]~~ a clammy movement. 5. ~~Inside you~~ Inside it your teeth are whining, they're hungry, they're gone, ~~[[forget them->Remember this]]~~

1. ~~Remember~~ It doesn't really matter if you were drunk or dreaming. Maybe it was all a slip of the ankle. Maybe all it was was distraction, a glint of light bouncing off the road in the ~~[[heat->Stand the Heat]]~~. Maybe it was her. You were reaching. You're still, even now, waiting for a jump to take you back to the start. 2. ~~Remember~~ That you're here too, you've been here all along, and the embrace of that thing with cloth is so warm so familiar you almost forgot. Things are ~~[[different->Remember this]]~~ things are malformed. They are in some places and memories unconditional. At one point someone said that was important. Maybe it still is, if not for the cloth creature then for the flesh inside it that still has the ability to ~~[[rot.->Tear It Out]]~~. 3. ~~Remember~~ Because you have no choice. We cross our scattered bodies like fault lines, you and I. We break over one another other as continents building mountains out of crust.

1. ~~What is _this_?~~ There is a misconception that you must know to recover, but many people know too many things which make it impossible to know anything. 2. ~~Can you trust yourself?~~ The accident often feels like a lie, and in the glossy place you look at yourself in the mirror, the clammy sticky feeling confirming you're still somewhere down below, and you cannot be believed about anything. 3. ~~Do you really need to know?~~ Everyone is always telling you they're sorry. Where are your teeth? Soon you'll have dentures but that's not what you've lost. She's somewhere clammy sticky you're somewhere clammy sticky and nothing has changed. 4. ~~Everything has changed.~~ It has and hasn't because before this you never felt like there were answers, anyway. It's easy for one big thing to disrupt but not to explain, and inside you it always feels like something big is going to roll over the edge. You're tying a rope of fibers from that shirt, flossing your gums with the strings, and where are your teeth, and where is your life? 5. ~~Are your hands cold?~~ No, there hasn't been any cold this winter. Everything is warm, the mirrors and the lead and the ~~[[salvage->Wreck]]~~ and the emotions, they're all warm. They're all sticky. 6. ~~Warm and sticky means good.~~ Warm and sticky means a lot of things. You're crying again, now. When will you get tired of this? We're all tired and she's holding your ~~[[teeth->Pry Them Out of Their Casings]]~~ and the thing is hungry.

1. ~~Let Go~~ Of the reversals you keep planning. Arrangements have already been made and not by you. You've always had long gills, a fish mouth. You've always been an easy hook. You let yourself cling to her line and you didn't let her fall, you made her fall, that's what really happened. 2. ~~Catch a fish.~~ They say if you hook one and let him go he's harder to catch again but worse is when you left your teeth like a consolation prize promising you were always going to come back. 3. ~~Fall first.~~ There's universe slippage and through the gaps in the creature's cloth you see an endlessness. Things were always more or less going to work out the same way.

1. ~~Go back to when you met.~~ Inside the hole it feels like being in a clam. Nurses are always pulling you out but they leave the cloth creature inside. Once, there was no creature. Once, you burned a tick off her body. In other variations you're being burned off the side of a bridge with thin guardrails. Once, long ago, the people ran over a man with wagons until every part of him splattered red on the ground. You understand him now: there's no currency worth this. It's hard to defend this anymore but you really did believe in something lovely. In other variations of the story he hangs himself but still his bloated belly bursts and out of the fistula come ribbons and ribbons of cotton. 2. ~~Help her.~~ She gets sick all the time and you keep ~~[[leaving->Leave Without Her]]~~ all the time until the creature has to remind you you don't need to continue. Even discontinuing is non-executable. How long have you been here? She was here longer, she was sick, she got sick all the time and you kept leaving her. Maybe you thought trying to catch her, or whatever you were doing, would paste you into all the gaps of this shared history. One of the patients here says people have been very successful in dislocation, a kind of jumping that shakes the world and changes its pathways. You ask him how he knows and he says he's done it and will do it again soon and can take you. All he needs are narcotics. _But, oh,_ he says. _You've got ~~[[teeth->Pry Them Out of Their Casings]]~~. They tend to fall out between jumps._ You think about it but you can't stand to lose any more. Lying in bed, you make large leaps through time anyway. In some passes through you're consistent, you're a rock, you contain her, you stay (_is this really better?_). In more passes through you're consistent in that your foot slips off the brake and a drunk man leaps through time and throttles the car and, _there it is,_ your fingers in the thread, and again she falls. You really did believe in something ~~[[lovely->Reinsert]]~~.

1. ~~First, you'll need the tools.~~ Dental forceps, pliers, mirror, probes, plier, curettes, mirror, cloth, fiber, mouth prop, cheek retractor, tongue retractor, lip retractor. Some also choose to bring prayers, though the legitimacy of this practice has been debated, but you might take them as well just in case, but you might doubt it as they didn't work before, but didn't they work after all, since you're here, didn't it work, since you're alive? Then again, you don't feel like it, and the thing says _not for long_ and you've got no complaints. 2. ~~Ask the thing to open your mouth, but ask it nicely.~~ It doesn't like following directions, it moves and writhes under the threads you made it from and sprouts fingers from inside the cloth, slipping through the gaps those mangled appendages hidden from the world. It twists out and out, prying you open like a clam, like something clammy sticky warm. It's gasping and says _so much blood_ you say _yes, I remember that, at least_ it says _so much blood_ you say _so much blood_. 3. ~~Be quiet~~ This is the easiest step yet. The threadborne thing holding your tongue and ripping out what was left. You had your wisdom teeth removed late. She was there with you and you forgot everything, it was nothing like videos and it was faster than kisses. Sometimes you think she was never real, a growing bone torn from your body to prevent future medical concerns. But this is all concerning. Removing yourself from yourself would hurt but it was cool once and you almost had her, your fingers through the hole in her shirt in her body pulling out strands, but what actually came out was ~~[[hot->Stand the Heat]]~~ and clammy and sticky and it's been hot clammy sticky ever since. 4. ~~Nurse your wounds.~~ They're like little bugs, rolling and crawling around your hand. Little creatures, close to enamel, small legs driving them up and around your arms. They bounce across your skin like dropped sugar cubes and plaque falls off them like muddy ice or clothing from the side of a bridge. _That's right, there was a bridge..._ The thing with strings rakes them into its core and swallows them like pills and they cry all the way down, which is funny, because ~~[[that isn't how the story goes->Reinsert]]~~. Everyone went down but no one made a sound.

1. ~~To the layperson: Drive carefully.~~ Sober being a word but not the key word. Someone else was drifting but the real problem was not drifting. She was walking away. 2. ~~Walk Away.~~ How can you find your legs after all this how can you leave the smooth gloss because outside everything will be sticky clammy hot not just in your mind not just in the cloth where it's holding your hand telling you this is all something that ~~[[happened->Tell Yourself What Happened]]~~ because of a conversation where she said _I don't think it really matters_ she said _I don't think it's real_ and you said _I think it is, don't you believe that?_ and she said _I don't believe anything you tell me_. And she said _the air's not as thin as I thought up here._ Now, _that's_ something _really_ lovely. I'm going to the trailhead. Drive on, I don't care, just don't follow me, for the love of God. 3. ~~Ask me how I feel.~~ I'm feeling like a glacier melting three thousand feet higher than here. I'm feeling like a tree bursting with (_fistulas_) fruit. Even the cementum has crumbled away. I'm running over skin lesions like a ~~[[tiny tooth->Pry Them Out of Their Casings]]~~ set free.

3. ~~What is *it*?~~ Is a question that can be confused in many different ways. Did you ~~[[Leave Without Her]]~~ or did you ~~[[Stay Until the Lights Shut Off]]~~, though you must have known both would produce the same result? She did not ~~[[Remember]]~~. The teeth cannot without their shards. ~~[[Pry Them Out of Their Casings]]~~ (*were they ever really yours?*) to ~~[[Reinsert]]~~ what has been shattered. <center>[[<->Get Over It]] [[>->Get Over It 3]]

1. ~~Be Discharged~~ To thick-air towns where fear becomes slimmer, the clamminess now cold, almost wet. Down here the threads suffocate less but not entirely and maybe that's the point. 2. ~~What's the truth?~~ I never wanted revenge and what I believe doesn't change anything but your mouth tastes sweet when I think. Inside the cloth sometimes it's hard to see you. Maybe you're in there plying with bones and I'm here drifting. 3. ~~I'm stepping out of the car.~~ Stepping out into the air. I'm going for a walk. Don't follow me. For the Love of God, lovely, don't take the lure, don't unravel, not just yet. _Don't follow me._

4. ~~What is shattering?~~ * to [after 1000ms; append] *Waste*, [after 1500ms; append] to *Wrack,* [after 2000ms; append] to ~~[[Wreck]]~~. * *Pulverize, [after 3000ms; append] raze.* * We have forgotten everything, both of us⁠—our bodies, too. <center>[[<->Get Over It 2]] [[>->Get Over It 4]]</center>

5. ~~Forget Everything.~~ * The stringborne thing is having a very hard time ~~[[Living->Live]]~~ in your long wake, a tail made of bones and brake lights. <center>[[<->Get Over It 3]]</center>

1. ~~What do the laws say?~~ In this state the rear-ender is at fault but for side, front, and other collisions the rules are less concrete. The space between vehicles is a taut string but the vehicles were just a case of misdirection and someone's blood alcohol is your excuse. 2. ~~Were there really any vehicles?~~ Literally, yes, and heavily involved in the damage. The ~~[[Heat->Stand the Heat]]~~ existed in itself but was also a discordance, a mashing of metal, and the sound is what lasts. The threaded thing loves the sound which disgusts you but the line between fabric and fistula is not so clear. Your organs were mashed together and metal was mashed together but instead of being mashed together _together_ you tried to catch her and she fell, you tried to catch her and both of you fell. Is that the story you ~~[[tell yourself->Tell Yourself What Happened]]~~? 3. ~~Who was at fault?~~ Who created the beast, the cloth; who tore the shirt? You're worn. You made the amalgam and now you're going put it down with your hands. You tore this thing now you have to ~~[[tear it apart->Tear It Out]]~~ if you're strong enough. 4. ~~Don't hesitate.~~ I'll say I forgive you if that's what you want but I think we both know it won't make you feel any less. 5. ~~Check the news for more information.~~ _Late last friday evening on Bear Creek Road toward Kittredge, a couple⁠⁠—_ Is that what they're saying? _A surgery⁠—_ ⁠ _Some tourists, or were they locals? Some local anesthetic for the scrape wounds some bandages for the burns or are they streaks of shame? What a shame. A family of hikers say she was getting out of the car when it fell._ Bears on the mountain say you caught her shirt in your hands, that I was pulled into the tube between your gut and your mouth, that it was your acid after all that broke us apart. The brakes never failed you but where would she, where would I be, if you had not dragged her back, if you had let her go, if you hadn't ripped seams, hadn't tied knots, if the careless roll hadn't pulled us over the surface and under the skin, if the passenger side had landed eyes and ~~[[teeth->Find Your Teeth]]~~ up? It's never about being unable to catch her and it's not about falling or about blame except in the way it makes you hate your memories. Look directly into the flashing lights and blink. Don't ~~[[forget->Remember this]]~~. Sometimes I admit I dream of a death. _These roads are winding. Be safe out there, folks._ Swallow.

1. ~~Pretend to feel nothing.~~ You don't need to do this, it's already past tense. Out there between small towns it took ages for anyone to arrive. During the buffer time you felt yourself dripping down the canyon. She wouldn't move and in your hand was a torn piece of her shirt. The weight of the mountain slowly crushed the car, crushed you, but for her it was fast. She barely felt anything, as you were falling you remember her saying _isn't it warm out_ but there wasn't enough time for any of it. 2. ~~Make a cloth doll.~~ You made something even larger, rolled between your palms, made of pulpy clammy hot wet sticky and buffered only by cheap cotton and pieces of hair. It sits up on the glossy floor and you face it in the mirror and the bandages and rips bleed into each other. _There was a fight_ it says and you say ~~[[there was always a fight->Tell Yourself What Happened]]~~. 3. ~~Lose your shape.~~ There's nothing really anonymous about ~~[[living->Live]]~~ and you know it. The hole is cosmetic the scar is cosmetic the ~~[[teeth are removable->Pry Them Out of Their Casings]]~~ but every time you remove them they keep growing back.

config.style.backdrop: "Gray-9" config.style.page.style: 'none' config.style.page.style.borderColor: "red-9" config.body.transition.name: 'fadeInOut' config.style.page.font: "Garamond 19" config.style.page.color: "White on Gray-9" config.style.page.link.font: "underline" config.style.page.link.color: "red-8" config.style.page.link.lineColor: "red-8" config.style.page.link.active.color: "red-8 on red-0" config.style.page.header.font: "18" config.style.page.header.link.font: "small caps" config.style.page.footer.font: "18" config.style.page.footer.link.font: "small caps" sound.ambient.distortion.url: 'Distortion2.mp3' sound.ambient.distortion.description: 'distorted synthesizer sounds overlaid on top of each other' config.style.page.link.font: "none" config.style.page.fork.divider.size: 0 config.style.page.fork.divider.color: "gray-9" config.style.page.link.active.color: "red-9 on red-5" config.footer.left: "[[Resource Database]]" config.footer.right: "[[Get Over It]]" config.header.center: "{restart link}" -- <center> <font size="8"> How To </font> Words and Music by Ven Corbet *This story contains sound.* ~~[[Start->Get Over It]]~~ </center>

1. ~~You are a good person.~~ You are lover's tooth. 2. ~~You freed her.~~ _All teeth are accidents and freedom is ~~[[pliant->Reinsert]]~~._ 3. ~~It was a blessing.~~ You're faceless. What happened to your face? There are too many threads in the way. 4. ~~Push them aside.~~ Beautiful creature, teeth all straight. They're not what you lost. 5. ~~Lie to yourself?~~ You're ~~[[hot->Stand the Heat]]~~. It's clammy. It's sticky, and nothing is cold, nothing is ever permanently silent.

<center> ~~Use of the database is only recommended for charting your completion. See [[Get Over It]] for more exploratory recovery strategies.~~ <font size="3"> [[How to Get Over It->Get Over It]] [[How to Get Over It, Part 2->Get Over It 2]] [[How to Get Over It, Part 3->Get Over It 3]] [[How to Get Over It, Part 4->Get Over It 4]] [[How to Find Your Teeth->Find Your Teeth]] [[How to Pry Them Out of Their Casings->Pry Them Out of Their Casings]] [[How to Remember This->Remember this]] [[How to Remember->Remember]] [[How to Tear It Out->Tear It Out]] [[How to Stand the Heat->Stand the Heat]] [[How to Stay Until the Lights Shut Off->Stay Until the Lights Shut Off]] [[How to Reinsert->Reinsert]] [[How to Process the Wreck->Wreck]] [[How to Leave Without Her->Leave Without Her]] [[How to Tell Yourself What Happened->Tell Yourself What Happened]] [[How to Live->Live]] </font> </center>